I was in my room with my suitcase packed, tears running down my cheeks. I had just spoken with my sister back home in Sweden. It's only two years between us but for some reason I felt like she was about ten years older with her knowledge and determination. We had just hung up the phone and the ticket home would have been only few clicks away. At that time I had spent about 6 months in the USA and this family was not working out at all for several reasons.
We had tried talking and I had been in great contact with Cultural Care Au Pair's office in Boston and maybe been a bit too blue-eyed and optimistic about my rematch. Unfortunately things do not always work out - I believe that me and the family were more like oil and water rather than a good match -- we had very different lifestyles, believes and hopes for the au pair year.
As I was sitting there on the floor and looking at all the stuff that once seemed so important to bring over I realized I would do anything, give it all away in order to be happy and stay in the USA. I had a dream of completing my au pair year, I had a strong feeling that the time (faith if so) had bigger plans for me and going home to my hometown was not an option.
I cried a lot during this day and decided to call my contact person at Cultural Care Au Pair to say that I obviously sucked at this job and wanted to go home.
Her voice was soft and she calmed me down and the sobbing turned to single tears. We talked about my year so far, she made me think of my year from another perspective, what could/should I have done and she made me own the mistakes I had done. This was most likely the most difficult conversation I had ever had, but at the same time it was probably the call that made me to the person I am today and the reason I stayed in the States in the end. The woman on the phone finally said, "I have one more family I would like you to speak to." I remember thinking that she was crazy and that it was a waste of time. I was not good at caring for children - or that was what I at least felt like at the moment!
The call with the family, the host mom come to change my life in so many ways.
We spoke for what felt like a lifetime, about my previous experience in the program, shared interests, the children and what they were looking for.
My mentality was "I will tell her all about me, about what went wrong and she will quickly realize that I suck at this job".
When the call came to an end, she said "Can I pick you up on Wednesday?" The feeling that came along was indescribable, happiness like the prince on a white horse had just arrived (now in the shape of a blue suburban car and mom of four was the only difference!) Karen took me home and I got to meet my four new host children that was very excited to be with me. The feeling of being loved and cared for was the best feeling since I left Sweden! Pulling into the driveway in Sacramento and I knew I was finally home!
I ended up extending my time with this family and gained so much confidence that I CAN DO it and I AM a great au pair! Today I pay it forward and love to help current au pairs to reach their dreams or fulfill their dreams to be in the USA as an au pair!
