My hardest time as an au pair gave me the greatest time as an au pair!

During my time as an au pair, I faced some rocky times too, and I am going to share the story that turned my entire time in the USA upside down - the good kind upside down!

I was in my room with my suitcase packed, tears running down my cheeks. I had just spoken with my sister back home in Sweden. It's only two years between us but for some reason I felt like she was about ten years older with her knowledge and determination. We had just hung up the phone and the ticket home would have been only few clicks away. At that time I had spent about 6 months in the USA and this family was not working out at all for several reasons.

We had tried talking and I had been in great contact with Cultural Care Au Pair's office in Boston and maybe been a bit too blue-eyed and optimistic about my rematch. Unfortunately things do not always work out - I believe that me and the family were more like oil and water rather than a good match -- we had very different lifestyles, believes and hopes for the au pair year.

As I was sitting there on the floor and looking at all the stuff that once seemed so important to bring over I realized I would do anything, give it all away in order to be happy and stay in the USA.  I had a dream of completing my au pair year, I had a strong feeling that the time (faith if so) had bigger plans for me and going home to my hometown was not an option.

I cried a lot during this day and decided to call my contact person at Cultural Care Au Pair to say that I obviously sucked at this job and wanted to go home.

Her voice was soft and she calmed me down and the sobbing turned to single tears. We talked about my year so far, she made me think of my year from another perspective, what could/should I have done and she made me own the mistakes I had done. This was most likely the most difficult conversation I had ever had, but at the same time it was probably the call that made me to the person I am today and the reason I stayed in the States in the end. The woman on the phone finally said, "I have one more family I would like you to speak to." I remember thinking that she was crazy and that it was a waste of time. I was not good at caring for children - or that was what I at least felt like at the moment!

The call with the family, the host mom come to change my life in so many ways.
We spoke for what felt like a lifetime, about my previous experience in the program, shared interests, the children and what they were looking for.
My mentality was "I will tell her all about me, about what went wrong and she will quickly realize that I suck at this job".

When the call came to an end, she said "Can I pick you up on Wednesday?" The feeling that came along was indescribable, happiness like the prince on a white horse had just arrived (now in the shape of a blue suburban car and mom of four was the only difference!) Karen took me home and I got to meet my four new host children that was very excited to be with me. The feeling of being loved and cared for was the best feeling since I left Sweden! Pulling into the driveway in Sacramento and I knew I was finally home!

I ended up extending my time with this family and gained so much confidence that I CAN DO it and I AM a great au pair! Today I pay it forward and love to help current au pairs to reach their dreams or fulfill their dreams to be in the USA as an au pair!

Communication is the key to success

Before our au pairs leave to the USA we tell them that communication is the key to success. By that we mean that you need to speak up if you do not understand or agree with something, need help or support from you host family. Never assume that your host family knows how you are feeling or thinking. Your host family does not know you very well when you arrive, they do not know the family you grew up with and are not familiar with your home country or culture.  They have probably never been an au pair before themselves and do not know how it is to live and work at the same place.

You need to make them aware of if there something you are not comfortable with right away before it will become a problem. In the beginning it might not even be a problem but I promise you if you continue get frustrated about something it will grow into a bigger issue and at that point it might be too late to solve.

It is though very important to be open minded and flexible to make things work. You need to respect the family as they are and their rules when it comes to the house and the children.  When you have a family on your own you can make your rules and maybe you will do it as your host parents did or maybe not - that is really up to you later on in life.  If everything would be just like at home and with your natural family you would not have the opportunity to grow as a person and learn from the experience. Do not put so much energy on why they are doing things “wrong”: it is just different.  Is your way the only correct way? Put the most of energy on other things they do and remember there will never be a prefect host family. Each host family has advantages and disadvantages, just like you have yours.

So start communicate immediately with you host family even if you are afraid of awkward moment because when you have overcome that fear the next time will be so much easier. A good example how to open up for a conversation ;
1. Ask your host parents if they have time to sit down with you in the next few days.
2. When you are sitting down, tell them all the positive things you feel about them and everything you are thankful for.
3. Ask them if they have any feedback on you. Tell them you want to do a good job and want to improve your work.
4. Tell them how you feel.
5 Ask if there is some way we can meet half way when it comes to the “problem” or if they have any advice on how to solve this “problem.”
6. Listen and be open-minded and come to a solution you will try for a time.
7. Tell them that you are thankful they took their time and that you are happy we can have an open conversation about this.

Make sure you do not end up like these penguins - looking at different directions and not discussing!