Are you like me?
Do you rather call your mom / dad / best friend and pours out all your frustrations - rather than bailing it out on the one that really deserves it?
Do you rather write an upset, anonymised blog post about something that irritates you - then confront the person you are annoyed with?
Have you ever been in a situation like this:
You to your friend: "Oh, I'm sooo annoyed Anna, I do not understand how you can say / do like that ..."
Then when Anna says to you: "hope you did not feel offended yesterday when I ..."
You will say: "No, it's okay, it was not so bad ..."
Recognize this? In this case you are like me, and like about 8 million others in this country.
Firstly, it is of course human to want to avoid a conflict, but partly it´s a typical Swedish behavior.
I really remember a heated discussion I had with an American and a Brazilian when I lived in Boston. It ended up with me feeling like I was on the edge of exploiting and said:
"You make me so upset when you say that" and the Brazilian answered
"Seriously; Is this the way you look when you're upset?”
They laughed at me and said they had heard a story about that when immigrants come to Sweden they learn the strangest thing with the Swedes are that they can smile and still on the inside they are about to explode with anger. Perhaps there is a little truth to this, for sure enough, you can feel quiet stunted and calm if you hang out with a bunch of South Americans and Southern Europeans for example. (And still most of my Swedish friends probably think that I´m pretty hot-tempered.. J )
Do you rather call your mom / dad / best friend and pours out all your frustrations - rather than bailing it out on the one that really deserves it?
Do you rather write an upset, anonymised blog post about something that irritates you - then confront the person you are annoyed with?
Have you ever been in a situation like this:
You to your friend: "Oh, I'm sooo annoyed Anna, I do not understand how you can say / do like that ..."
Then when Anna says to you: "hope you did not feel offended yesterday when I ..."
You will say: "No, it's okay, it was not so bad ..."
Recognize this? In this case you are like me, and like about 8 million others in this country.
Firstly, it is of course human to want to avoid a conflict, but partly it´s a typical Swedish behavior.
I really remember a heated discussion I had with an American and a Brazilian when I lived in Boston. It ended up with me feeling like I was on the edge of exploiting and said:
"You make me so upset when you say that" and the Brazilian answered
"Seriously; Is this the way you look when you're upset?”
They laughed at me and said they had heard a story about that when immigrants come to Sweden they learn the strangest thing with the Swedes are that they can smile and still on the inside they are about to explode with anger. Perhaps there is a little truth to this, for sure enough, you can feel quiet stunted and calm if you hang out with a bunch of South Americans and Southern Europeans for example. (And still most of my Swedish friends probably think that I´m pretty hot-tempered.. J )
So, for all of you who are going to the United States - congratulations! This is your chance to practice on the straight forward, un-Swedish, communication.
In the United States, as well as in many other places, people are talking behind your back and intrigues spread. But - they also confront it in a different way than we do. (If you can generalize the 300 million people a bit and collective bundle them to just "them" J)
So, do not be surprised if someone in a store says that an outfit does not fit you, or if someone comments on your accent, what you look like, etc.
If your host parents have views on how to do your job, they'll probably let you know it.
Being
criticized can be a hassle. You could feel attacked, questioned and feel like a
failure for doing a bad job.
At the same time, you can choose to see it as it is better to be criticized face to face, than someone talking behind your back.
It may also make it easier for yourself to talk about thoughts and opinions you have, without feeling as uncomfortable as at home.
And to give and take criticism, resolve conflicts and sometimes be annoyed with your host family is part of the year as an au pair. Who else you would otherwise be able to live a year with without feeling the slightest irritation or anger?
So, hold your head up high, put a smile on your face and accept the challenge! This is the year you're going to practice to not throw in the towel and escape from an unpleasant situation where you could be in a conflict or receive tough criticism.
This is the year when you will handle the situation, you might feel that it is extremely unpleasant but get out of it a little stronger and braver.
This is the year when you maybe will learn in a neat, professional and constructive to give and take critique.
At the same time, you can choose to see it as it is better to be criticized face to face, than someone talking behind your back.
It may also make it easier for yourself to talk about thoughts and opinions you have, without feeling as uncomfortable as at home.
And to give and take criticism, resolve conflicts and sometimes be annoyed with your host family is part of the year as an au pair. Who else you would otherwise be able to live a year with without feeling the slightest irritation or anger?
So, hold your head up high, put a smile on your face and accept the challenge! This is the year you're going to practice to not throw in the towel and escape from an unpleasant situation where you could be in a conflict or receive tough criticism.
This is the year when you will handle the situation, you might feel that it is extremely unpleasant but get out of it a little stronger and braver.
This is the year when you maybe will learn in a neat, professional and constructive to give and take critique.
Continue writing a frustration email home
mom / dad / best friend. Then, when most of the frustration is gone, take it up
with the person you are annoyed with.
Do you want to work in a management or leadership role in the future? Do you want to become a parent? Do you want to be a colleague who people respect and enjoy? Congratulations - now you can take the first step to become a little more straight forward, clearer and more professional in handling conflicts than the average person!
/ Victoria
Do you want to work in a management or leadership role in the future? Do you want to become a parent? Do you want to be a colleague who people respect and enjoy? Congratulations - now you can take the first step to become a little more straight forward, clearer and more professional in handling conflicts than the average person!
/ Victoria
