You are going to be making a lot of friends during your
time as an au pair. Most likely a good portion of those are going to be au
pairs. During your time you will also experience difficulties with your host
family, just like you do with your family back at home. It can be small things
or big things, but you will find yourself needing to problem solve. Good
problem solving skills are something we expect from all our au pairs.
You might also find yourself in a position where you
aren’t the one in need of advice, but the one being asked for it. What do you
do when your friend is having problems with their host family? What do you say?
How can you help them in the best possible way?
Listen
Sometimes the only thing you are looking for when you
have a problem is a sympathetic ear to listen to you. Let your friend vent, let
them get all their cards on the table as we say in the USA. After I listen to
someone’s problem, I like to repeat it back to them in a concise summary.
“Ok, so let me see if I understand right, you are saying that…” This helps a
lot because sometimes when you hear your own problem said out loud by someone
else you get a whole new perspective.
Another thing that you rarely do when you have a problem
yourself is to look at the other side’s point of view. This can be sensitive,
since your friend probably wants you to be on their side. BUT this can often
lead to, once again, a new perspective. Wonder what their host parents are
thinking? Well, actually think about it. How does the problem look like from
their side? It is rare that someone will give in 100%, so most likely the
problem will be resolved by meeting in the middle. Helping your friend think up
a solution that benefits both sides will help them be prepared when they
actually confront the problem.
Encourage Action
Take charge of the problem! If you let problems fester,
they build up. I think that is something that everyone knows, but it is so easy
to push stuff aside so it is something that we rarely do. It’s pretty rare for
a problem to just disappear. The first step is to admit that there is a
problem, which your friend has done by talking to you. The next step is to
communicate. Their host family might not even be aware there is a problem or
what their au pairs point of view. Encourage your friend to sit down and speak
with their host parents. We always want our au pairs to try and resolve the
problem on their own first and being the first to take the step shows
character.
When its time to involve Cultural Care Au Pair
It is vital for you to know when you should involve
Cultural Care Au Pair. As I mentioned above, we do want to see our au pairs and host
families communicate. But sometimes it is important to involve us. If the
problem has to do with safety, it’s important that your friend gets help straight
away. That means theirs, the host kids, or host parents physical safety.
Also, know your rights as an au pair. They are all written in the different materials that you have received before going to the USA. Is your friend or
their host family breaking the rules then it is important that we are able to
help them get back on the correct path. You can contact your LCC, our
Boston office, or even your home country office. Even if it’s just for advice,
we are glad to be of assistance! We do not read minds just yet, so you do need
to be the one to take the first step.
Be the support your friend needs. No one goes into the au
pair program expecting to end it early or even to have problems. Also, it’s
rare for an au pair to go into the program having any friends. This means our
au pairs usually develop tight friendships quickly with people they do not know
very well. But, with that said, you are all experiencing the same thing. It is
you, not their friends or parents back home that can best relate to the problem
at hand. So use your own experiences, our tips and your best intuition to be a
problem solving superstar!
